Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
