we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
