its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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