Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
