I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
we're so committed to being not committed
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