So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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