He uses pillows to masturbate.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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