is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
