I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
