Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the condom got lost in my hair
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize