And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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