i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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