Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
