Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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