Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
