marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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