I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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