Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize