it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
