dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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