After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
