ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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