Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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