i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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