Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
