The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
