this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
