dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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