Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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