Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
