i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
