Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
