woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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