two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
