remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
