Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
