I love black thongs
Your tits are I can't wait for
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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