what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
