I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
