you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
