just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
