you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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