Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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