I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
