What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize