When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
