call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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