hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
