Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
