so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
