So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
