proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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