how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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