WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
