shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
