i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize