I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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