I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We were destined to go to rehab together
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
