Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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