oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
