I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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