my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
