My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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