Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
