As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
