We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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