I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
